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I know I'm not the first to say but I swear this year has been the quickest by far, I've blinked and it's gone!

It hasn't been the best year for me what so ever, this year I found out my Dad has cancer, a few weeks after my mum finds out her fiancee has cancer! Cancer you really are a bastard. I have been quite ill myself this year too but in the new year I hope to get some answers! All the deaths, politics and the usual, what a crazy ass year it has been. I've been betrayed my 'friends' but I've found strength and love in new ones. My fiancee who is known for liking a pint or two (beyond several) has actually been ok this year, he's had his ups and downs but it hasn't been my worst year with him, he has stepped up in many other ways, his work has plummeted, we are going to be official home owners in January and can plan our extension and plans to move a few years down the line but its exciting, also planning get a ways (NEW YORK cough cough) and family do's. I have gotten even closer to my mother in law this year she has really been my rock, I don't know what I would do without her she helps out so much with the kids with Dan working away it can be stressful but she helps in any way she can. My children go on every day surprising me with their intelligence, beauty and charisma and making me smile non stop a long with wanting to pull my hair out too, all about a balance right?

We have been on spontaneous trips, I've started to read more finally, I'm starting to focus on my self a bit more and learning to love myself which is what I want to do more of in the new year but the end of this year has been a real toughie! I will go into this more when I can sit down and write everything out and re read through it till it all makes sense in my foggy head but the press with all the abuse stories really hit me hard, some nights have been harder than others a lot of nights I've cried myself to sleep, blaming myself, the guilt everything, hating myself, hating the world! I was abused at a young age by someone who should of been a father figure to me (stepfather) but he ruined most of my childhood and has led to ruining a lot of my future, I'm getting stronger every day don't get me wrong it was the whole court case of not going through that broke me more I think but I applaud all those people finally speaking up, it's not nice, its scary as hell and even harder when you finally speak up and no one listens or believes you, well it doesn't feel like they believe you anyway. From the age of 16 sitting down in a room documenting my life story from ages 6/7 - 11/12 of my abuse to be recorded on video to not even getting my chance to talk in a court room really broke me as a person growing up but like I mentioned above that could be a very long winded post that I would like to post in the future, but all the news with the footballers stories and women on loose women really hit home and brought everything back to life again, because as you know being a surviver of abuse every day is a struggle but you do it, it makes us the stronger person we are today.

To end the post on a high though I wanted to post my goals for the new year, resolutions? Do we actually stick to them, goals seem a little more realistic and easier to achieve.

2017 GOALS

  • The standard 'loose weight' one but I actually really want to loose all my baby weight finally and stick to a healthier eating habit and exercise more. I am 26, my boobs are already starting to sag tremendously with having the boys I can't afford any more dangly wobbly bits, whilst I'm still in my youth I want to look and feel healthier in myself. No more take-aways or eating tubs of Ben and Jerrys to myself! Snack on fruits and learn to run.
  • Do more for people, kind gestures etc. I have booked in to give blood this year despite my fear of needles as it seems impossible to get blood from me when I've had lots of tests through pregnancies but it's a start. Help charities especially for cancer and children who go through abuse. I also want to pamper the elderly at the care home which is two doors away from me once a month. 
  • I would love to do a photography course as I have struggled this year deciding what I want to spend the rest of my life doing, I have so many things I want to do but thinking of al the realistic aspects of it I would love to go in photography but if It doesn't work out it is a passion of mine anyway and would be great as a hobby and hopefully help to up my blog game.
  • Upping my blog game is a huge goal for me, I want to set a schedule and stick to it this time.
  • Being more organised in general and sticking to my journalling.
  • Learn to bloody drive woman, my anxiety has put myself of wanting to drive forever but with Dan working away a lot I really want to learn so I can get out of these four walls.
  • Be more creative, it's inside me I know it, I just need to let it out more.
  • Spend more quality time with people who deserve it, family and those good friends no mater how long it has been you have spoken they still ask how you are, it's rare these days. I'v always been the friend to text or call first, it's nice to have people who care about me.
  • Read even more!
  • Explore the UK, check out places I've never seen, sight see. Obvs I would say out side the UK but this year will be dedicated to our mortgage and plans for extensions, there might be a trip to New York at the end of the year though fingers crossed.
  • Save! Save for that trip obviously but saving more in general for rainier days, I am RUBBISH with money.
  • Stop giving a fuck about things that don't need giving a fuck about. Stop worrying so much what other people think, just do it and have no regrets.
  • Spend less time on social media unless it is necessary or work related, also delete all negative people on social media.
  • Set up an Instagram of goals, I will be keeping my raw one, which is my life but I really want to do a pretty one any tips or hints greatly appreciated in the comments below thank you!
  • Do more crafts with the kids and document it.
  • Stick to the yearly scrapbook I just bought to have a visual of all the things we have done.
  • De clutter all those things I really don't need, that top that's been sitting in my wardrobe for four years I have never worn, yep gone along with the 654 note books I'm hoarding, they need to go to a charity shop or friend who loves stationary as much as I do.
I just want a drama free year where I focus on myself for a change, have amazing memories with my gorgeous children and fiancee. Look forward to making our dream home, planning trips, spend more time with family and fully appreciate everything I have and own and help others more. I wish you all a year of love, content and wealth and all the luck to everything you want to achieve too. Make 2017 the best year ever, I know I intend to. 

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